Crying Myself Through Orgasm

Why do I know my sex life is a spiritual practice? There is nothing more delicious than being able to let go. Letting go of expectations, letting go of fear, letting go of limiting beliefs, letting go of all my own old patterns and beliefs that I have stored in my body and energy field this is my intention everyday. But I will be totally honest with you its not always that easy. We live in a sex starved society that refuses to just let go of all there own collective fears and opinions based on religion and politics about sex. I have spent 40 years being trapped in my own sensual hell. The hell of being judged, the hell of being outed, the hell of being slut shamed, whore shamed, busty girl shamed, pretty girl shamed and anything else that comes with being a free wild feminine who loves sex, talks about sex and teaches sex. For fuck sakes I like SEX.  

I feel so blessed to have been able to study all the other cultures in the world and put language and meaning, behind what to me has been natural part my whole life. When I read my first Tantra book 8 years ago I wept with joy. I couldnt believe that this whole time there was a philosophy behind everything I had always been doing in and out of the bedroom. I have always been extremely spititual and sexual. Was it possible that you can be both? Ok so its true I am a Scorpio so if you follow astrology then you already know. Scorpios are the most sexual and sensual sign but we are also deeply intuitive and spiritually connected though it would be easy to say that astrology can be denied but when your soul knows. Your soul knows. I listen to my soul. 

Two days ago my soul said invite this man into your world with no expectations and let go of whatever isnt serving you today. I have known this man for a little over 6 weeks we have a little flirty arrangement going on and its simple and easy. I love simple and easy. I wouldnt say he is particularly goodlooking, or refined or even that great in bed but he is simple and he adores me. Winning!!!!

Our afternoon started out with coffee. He always brings me coffee, he talked about his kids, I talked about my kids. We laughed at the fact that if I was a uber driver and got paid to drive my kids all over town I could retire today. Never happening I love my life. But it just flows and it flows into intimacy. I have this deep epiphany when he is deep inside of me gazing into my eyes that intimacy is "IN TO ME YOU SEE!!!!"


I start to feel waves of pleasure so deep in my lower back its a burning sensation that almost feels to unbearable to handle but I sink in. I remind myself that I teach this and to surrender to let go of everything. My breathe wants to speed up but I let it stay still and move where it needs to go. My feet start to tingle and I am literally having a feet orgasm. I can tell by his gaze that he is confused and I ask him to stay inside of me and to just be with me. He lovingly shows me with no words or movement that he's got me. The sensation of pure pleasure and bliss moves like waves through my whole body reaching my heart. It is so intense that I want it to stop but I need it so badly that I hold it there for seconds and minutes and moments that I never want to end, tears start rolling down my face. I am in complete bliss, my heart is open and I am receiving complete uncondiional love for myself, my body and my sexuality. Never have I loved myself more completely than I have in that moment.  My lover now is captivated but he never leaves me and never pulls out of my crying orgasm. My orgasm climbs to my throat and my tears turn into little girl giggles, I feel playful and alive with every wave of pleasure. When my orgasm reaches the top of my head the energy is so intense that the room is spinning and I feel like I could explode and then with no warning everything is still and quiet and the light is brighter than anything I have ever known. My whole body girates, vibrates and collapes into a plie of nothingness connected to everything. I lay next to him sobbing with delight. All I can say is thank you for taking me to church. He responds "No, Thank you!!!

In Love and Light 

Kimilla